His Hands Church
His Hands Church
How Do My Kids View The World?
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Hey everybody and welcome back to another episode of Raising Kids Who Follow Jesus. I guess is where we've landed on what we're calling this like podcast series. I'm Madison, and with me today is Megan. Megan, yeah. So if you don't know Megan, she is basically in charge of all of the kids areas on Sunday mornings. And so you're technically my boss.
SPEAKER_00That's true. So if this goes horrible, I guess you're fired. I wouldn't say that's good.
SPEAKER_03And you recently did a class that was really awesome that kind of broke down a bunch of different dynamics about understanding your kids. Yes. And so we thought that it would be good to kind of like break those up into episodes and talk about it. And the first thing that we're going to talk about is what do your kids value or what are their kind of like filters on the world.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's you know, it's it's funny because we s I find that I so often have um conflict with my kids, arguments with my kids, stressful moments with my kids, and they come at really inconvenient times, and it's difficult to navigate how to get out of those situations. And often those things come because my kids are valuing something that I'm not valuing or I'm valuing something that they don't value, and it's coming to this like conflict moment. And if I could stop as the adult and understand that they're valuing something and speak that value language, or even just understand that that's what's happening, those conflicts can be resolved or um navigated a little bit easier, a little bit easier, uh, and actually play to my advantage as a parent and get me out of some of those conflicts and out of some of those struggles, and I won't find myself beating my head against the wall of what is going on with my kid.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. So having the empathy to just go like, hey, you see the world different. You're experiencing and growing up in a different world. I kind of joke around with parents as they're struggling with their teenagers, because I work mostly with the teenagers. Yeah. Like a 17-year-old essentially isn't your kid anymore. It is, it's still your kid, but it's like a glorified roommate that lives in your in your house. So you kind of have to like switch from kid mode to kind of roommate mode. But what you're saying is is like, hey, if you can just have a heart of empathy to understand how they see the world, you probably can avoid some of those conflicts even. Or at least when they do show up, like you're like, oh, I know why this is showing up, or why we're butting heads. And so what are some of those? Uh there's a couple different ways they see the world that you that you broke down. So what are those?
SPEAKER_00So if you kind of think of it as four four categories or four like um big buckets of officials.
SPEAKER_03We love buckets on this podcast. Oh, do you? Yeah, we we we did buckets the first uh uh episode.
SPEAKER_00More buckets. There's more buckets. Um four buckets of values that they're trying to um think through or are or they're they're they're looking for. Um so the first one would be justice, that they're valuing justice in a situation. So when they encounter people, when they encounter conversations, um, when they encounter situations with their peers, situations with you, situations with siblings, they're going to value justice over anything else. They want what is right to happen, they want justice to be.
SPEAKER_03This is the kid that says, like, that's not fair.
SPEAKER_00Uh yeah.
SPEAKER_03That sounds like a lot of people.
SPEAKER_00It's usually when it happens to them. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03This isn't fair. I deserve better.
SPEAKER_00Yes. Yes. Um, they're gonna value what is right and what is wrong. They are probably very black and white. This is not a kid that sees gray area.
SPEAKER_03This is the kid when you when you're splitting a dessert, like you have to get the knife out. You can't actually just like break it in half because they'll like compare it identically.
SPEAKER_00That piece is bigger, that's not fair.
SPEAKER_03Please get the knife out so you can directly cut it in half. Okay, cool.
SPEAKER_00And and that kid, and it it's a really good analogy because that kid is seeing every situation that way. Every conversation, every grade that is ever given to them, every boyfriend-girlfriend situation is breaking a candy bar in half. And was it fair? Like that is all that they care about. Um, and because of that, they're going to hold other people to really high standards. You're not someone who breaks the candy bar fairly. I don't want anything to do with you.
SPEAKER_03Gotcha.
SPEAKER_00And they're gonna hold everyone to those standards because they value justice, they seek justice. Um, they also are gonna hold themselves to really high standards. Um, and everyone they encounter, they're going like, Do you, which side of the black and white line do you fall on?
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_00And that can be a tough life to live when you're when you're navigating the world holding these people to really high standards.
SPEAKER_03So, do you want to answer how we deal with the justice kid first? Or should we go through all of the different categories first?
SPEAKER_00We can go we can let's let's go like, hey, if you have this kid, this is what you do.
SPEAKER_03Okay, so how do you use the justice kid? Like, okay, you're raising a family to hopefully follow Jesus or at least the culture of your home. Right. Justice is something that the Lord loves. Yes. You know, like He wants things to be right, He is ultimately just. Yeah. And so how do you respond to a kid that is maybe overly just?
SPEAKER_00Right. Well, I think the first thing to realize as a parent is your job is not to um take this value away from your child. It's really easy when your kid is like this to be like, well, stop it. Stop doing that. Um, because there's gonna be a lot of things they encounter that aren't just. And if you're not a person who values justice, a lot of times as a parent, you may not have the same value as your kid. It's really easy to go like, stop doing this, just stop it, stop it, stop it. But that isn't how God made them. This is a value that they hold really dearly. And as a parent, your job is to help them navigate walking through a world with this value. What do they do? Because you're it's like it's almost like they're walking around with a pair of really tinted glasses on and seeing the world all this way, they're going to miss things when when they're seeing things through a filter. As a parent, your job is to help them see the things they miss, not rip the glasses off their face.
SPEAKER_02Gotcha.
SPEAKER_00Okay. So this kid um needs to learn forgiveness because our role, if you read scripture, our role is not to enact justice in every situation.
SPEAKER_03We aren't the judge.
SPEAKER_00No, right. We're not. God is a God of justice, He loves justice, he values justice, and so that part of us does help us understand God, but he's very clear that justice is mine, says the Lord.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_00Not go be little justices on my behalf. Um, our job is forgiveness. And so if you have a child that really values justice and wants to sort everybody into categories of whether or not they're good or bad or how they work out in their lives, you're gonna have to teach them to navigate forgiveness.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and it's so it speaks to me as a parent too, because my impulse, I'm sure this is just gonna be universal with all of these buckets, but like my impulse is for revenge. Where it's like, where like I'm punishing you, not not to show you the consequence of your actions, but it's that like emotional impulse of like, well, this isn't fair. My day was ruined by this, or my couch was ruined by your Sharpie, or whatever thing happens with your kids. And so you kind of use that punishment not as revenge, but if you could say, Lord, I need to forgive my kids for the things, yes, I'd still need to shepherd them through it. Right. That's good. So even for the parent, I think, I at least for me, that speaks to me like don't take revenge on my kids.
SPEAKER_00If you're a justice parent, yeah, you're gonna have to really model forgiveness.
SPEAKER_03Forgiveness first, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um, and if if your child is a justice child, modeling forgiveness is going to be huge. Walking them through forgiveness, teaching them that holding on to justice is actually holding on to hurt and pain.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_00And that forgiveness is something God is a God of justice, but God forgives, and if justice is his and he forgives, how much more are we supposed to forgive? Gotcha. And really walking them through what that looks like.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so you're sh taking basically like taking the gavel out of their hands and trying to like hand it to God the whole time.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_03Okay, so there's the justice kids. What's the next bucket?
SPEAKER_00Okay, so the next box bucket or lens.
SPEAKER_03I guess we can the next color sunglasses.
SPEAKER_00Mixed metaphors. Yeah, sorry. Okay. So we'll move on from the the the we'll move on from buckets and say sunglasses that they're wearing. Because that really is what's happening. They're walking around seeing things in a certain color. Um so the next the next one would be control and power. So there are kids that really, really value control and power. They are going to fight you for control and they're gonna fight you for power, which is hard when you're the parent and you need to be in control.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_00So this child is going to want to have their way. You're gonna hear this out of their mouth all the time. Um, they're going to want to make the rules, make the plan. They want their hand in everything that is going on because they want the control. And they want to be in charge.
SPEAKER_03Is this the kid that you like trick into like being like, hey, like, so do you want to go to the pool today? Like, like basically, like you just make it seem like their idea.
SPEAKER_00You had a great idea. Weren't you the one that wanted to clean up right now? Yeah, so this is this is the kid that that they really, really want to lead. And these, like again, this is a great kid to have, just like the justice kid that sees things, you know, right and wrong and and and and sees the world that way. That's a great kid to have. The control power kid is a leader. Like, this is a kid that sees things and does things and makes it happen, but they're gonna want to do it their way. Right. Um, this child can also tend to like, if it's not their way and they didn't make the rule, they're gonna want to break all the rules because they think the rules are stupid.
SPEAKER_03Gotcha.
SPEAKER_00So, especially as they get older and they can see the stupidity in the rule, they can tend to be kind of rebellious.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Because they see that it's dumb and they can see the flaws in some of the authority that's put in front of them, and they can buck the system a lot.
SPEAKER_03Gotcha. So, what do you do with that?
SPEAKER_00So, again, you're not ripping the sunglasses off their face. Yeah. You will want to, especially if you're a control power parent.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_00If you're if you want the control and power.
SPEAKER_03It doesn't matter what the rules are, I made them.
SPEAKER_00I made it my way, right? Um, you're gonna want to rip a sunglass off their face. But again, God created this kid and gave you this kid. So you want to teach them the pitfalls of seeing the world all in the one color of wanting your way. So what you need to teach this kid is that the world is not theirs to control, God is in control.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it almost reminds me of um Jesus saying, I didn't come to be served, but to serve. Like Jesus, even the person who is like the ultimate authority on everything, like his role wasn't like to strong arm everybody into believing into him in him. It was like, I hey, I'm gonna come wash your feet. So I wonder if there is like that showing them how to serve. And that's why servant leaders are so awesome, is because like oh, that CEO still takes out his own trash or whatever it is. Yeah, yeah. Um, it it shows a different level of character.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And these kids too need to be adults that learn to trust the Lord. Um, one of the pitfalls of of this kind of child growing up is that they are usually and can be really great at getting things done. And they can become um adults that have learned to control everything into perfection, but haven't learned to trust the Lord when things don't go well.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's like the religious mindset. It's like as long as I get straight A's, I'm worth something.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. And when they fail, it's a failure of their power or ability to control. So they see themselves as a failure. Wow.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So as an as the uh parent, it's important to teach this kind of child that trust is actually our job as God's children. It's not our job to control every little thing that ever happens to us. God is in control, He's the shepherd, He's the one watching for every bad thing that could ever happen. That's not our job.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and in Psalm 23, he goes before us and comes behind us.
SPEAKER_00And places his hand of blessing upon us. Like we're not in control. Like we're not in control. Um, so we have to trust the Lord because there's absolutely no way to control everything. And if you run around like that, you're going to exhaust yourself. So you have to model that.
SPEAKER_03Yep.
SPEAKER_00And be intentional about teaching your children that.
SPEAKER_03Modeling that's really hard as a parent. It is. Because you're supposed to be in control. You're supposed to be in in authority. Maybe like that's the like the but the micromanaging and the power moves and and all of that might might lead you down some into some conflict. Where if you're if you're saying, like, hey, I'm the authority here, decisions are made. But at the same time, like ultimately it goes to the Lord. He's the one that's in charge and sets the tone.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and you think about what Jesus did with his disciples, when they're like, Where are we going next? He's like, I only go about what my father tells me to do.
SPEAKER_02Right, right, right.
SPEAKER_00Like he was intentional about teaching his disciples, I'm only doing what God the Father is telling me to do.
SPEAKER_02Gotcha.
SPEAKER_00I'm not even the one driving the ship. Right. Like he was always deferring to the father. And so, as parents, if we're telling our kids like, hey, I'm I'm just trying to do what God's showing me to do, I'm not really in control of my own life.
SPEAKER_03Right. It changes your mindset completely as a parent to like start to see your kids this way, and you're like, oh, then I have to see myself this way. Yeah. That's tough. That's tough. Okay, but let's let's go to the next bucket. Or sorry, sunglass lens.
SPEAKER_00Sunglass lens. Okay, so so you also have children who um their filter, their viewpoint and value is going to be peace and equality.
SPEAKER_03These how is this different from justice?
SPEAKER_00Okay, so this yes, this is different because they are also, you could see this child as saying, like, I want everything to be fair, because equality is fair. But it's more of a conflict-free evenness. They want peace in their home, they want peace amongst their friends, they want peace amongst their family, they want peace with you.
SPEAKER_03This is like the pushover kid.
SPEAKER_00It could be combat very, very easily because they don't want conflict, they don't want arguments. That that shakes their world. They would rather, and this is why they're different than justice, they would forgo their own justice to keep evenness. So they do want equality, they see when wrongs are done to other people, they feel that. Um, and like I said, they would forgo their own justice to like keep it even because they want that peace, but they're gonna avoid conflict.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it also seems like the most empathetic kid. Like this is the kid that might be tuned into how others feel a lot more than the others.
SPEAKER_00They can't like like justice. Okay, so this kid would say everyone should get one.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_00Justice could say, I get them all. Right, because I worked the hardest. I deserve that. Like justice is going Justin could keep justice could keep an unevenness to it if they feel like that's the just thing to do. Right. This kid would not do that. They would want equality.
SPEAKER_03Gotcha.
SPEAKER_00Um They're still gonna split the candy bar even for equality's sake. But this but it's if a kid drops one, they're gonna give theirs up to the city.
SPEAKER_03That's what I was gonna say, is like they have that sense of like, oh, they don't want strife or conflict or anything to be going wrong in the house. Right. So on one hand, they're they are kind of like in that servant mode already, where if the candy bar is broken in half unevenly, they're like, Well, I'll take the little one. Like they're they're they're being sweet in that way. Yeah. But what it does do is like I could see it lending to a kid that takes on problems that aren't their problems, specifically with like parents, like that dynamic of like my parents are fighting, I need to figure out a way to solve this solution, or I need to be the one that is creating peace in the household wherever possible when that's not their responsibility. So, what do you do with the peace-oriented child?
SPEAKER_00So the peace-oriented child, like you said, it can easily become like inverted, like where they take on parenting roles or they take on mothering or fathering roles that they shouldn't take on. Um you have to teach this child that conflict isn't evil. They see conflict as avoid it, it's evil, it's bad. And that's not true. God jumps into conflict, he's not afraid of conflict. Jesus jumped into conflict, he was not afraid when people asked him tough questions, and he even at times you see him initiating conflict because it needed to happen. Something needed to be resolved. Conflict isn't evil, and you need to show this child that their voice in that conflict is important, and that they have value as a person, um, who they are, what they think, what they feel, that those things are as equally important as the people around them, and that when conflict happens, shying away from it isn't always the right thing to do. Peace is important, of course, but avoiding it is not the right step. They can't be afraid. Yeah, like that fear is not something to play into.
SPEAKER_03Right. It's the fear thing. And giving them I like what you said about voice, where almost helping them, or maybe even giving them more room than you would necessarily think at front on the front end to articulate how they how they see it or what they're thinking or what's going on. Because otherwise they're just gonna stay silent.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_03But really drawing out like, hey, in the midst of this, like what's your perspective? Yeah. Again, it depends on if it's a three-year-old, a ten-year-old. It looks different um all all through life, but yeah, they might not necessarily have that strong opinion right up front, but to give them room to have a voice, I think would be really that's cool.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and and thinking about social situations too later on with friends, um, and even with um boyfriend, girlfriend dynamics and things like that, they need a space to express what's going on, being able to share their voice of what's happening and being able to process that stuff out because if conflict arises, their their immediate reaction is going to be to shrink away from it. But being able to process those things out and bravely walk into conflict, you're gonna have to teach them how to do that and maybe even be a place of processing for them and teaching them how to walk into conflict situations with confidence and bravery, knowing that they have the Holy Spirit who will teach them what to say and show them what to do.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, like I've I have a three-year-old and a one-year-old, but my three-year-old he gets really shy at un unnecessarily like random moments where you're like, Why are you being shy? Like you're like, but so fostering bravery for him has been like a very intentional thing that we've had to like work on. And I see a lot of students where it's like, on one hand, yes, don't talk to strangers is a good blanket rule to have. But on the other hand, um, creating a space where your kid only has the option to do, you know, what's comfortable to them, it might not actually make them equipped to handle those, like you said, in dating situations, in friend situations, social situations, even situations with other adults where they know something wrong is happening and they're not able to speak out against it. Like creating a space where you can definitely um they have room with you to have that conflict or to express those opinions. That way, when they aren't with you, they will feel more equipped to actually to do that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's that balance of learning. We are supposed to live, do our best to live at peace with all men, but at the same time, you see things that this this child is gonna see when things are unequal or wrong or unright.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_00And they're gonna feel it, and they need to know they have the right to say something about it and can be brave to do that when God shows them to do that.
SPEAKER_03And and showing them that their their barometer when it's right and when it's wrong.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03To say, like, hey, like, when you have that sense of like, hey, that's not right, like you need to be the one to speak out about it rather than avoiding, like you said, avoiding the conflict is not actually helping the things. Embracing the conflict might be cool. Yeah. All right, last lens.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so the last um sunglass kid Sunglass bucket. Sunglass bucket kid um is going to be your freedom and fun kid who just values it being fun and values having their own personal freedom. Uh, this kid is actually a really fun kid to have. Because they bring out like the party in your family. They're the one that is going to be really, really fun to have around. They're gonna easily make friends because everybody wants to be around this kid. But this is also the kid that doesn't want to do it if it's not fun. So they're a little hard to motivate sometimes. Um they really value experience. So when they do something, they're they're filtering like, well, what is the experience gonna be like? Is that gonna be fun? Am I gonna and if it's not, it's like, yeah, I'm gonna skip it. So, you know, going to that party or going to that event or going to that thing, they're going to really prioritize that, obviously, over, you know, doing something like a chore or homework. And you can kind of go like, well, that's every kid in the world. Um, but if you think about it, it's like getting a task done is so low on the priority list that it is like pulling teeth to try to get them to accomplish something because it's not fun.
SPEAKER_03Right. Where the control and power kid would be like, it's actually kind of fun to get the check mark done.
SPEAKER_00Right, right. Well, as long as I'm controlling how it's done. Yeah, right. If I can if I can control it, I'll do it, you know? Um so task, time, all of that is superseded by the experience of it. So again, really fun kid to have around is gonna make friends like so easy, but um it's gonna be hard to motivate because it has to be fun.
SPEAKER_03So, what do you do? Because, like you said, it seems like every kid at least has a little bit of this kind of built in. Because fun, fun is like the language kid speaks.
SPEAKER_00The language of childhood.
SPEAKER_03So there's always gonna be an element of that like, oh, oh, oh man, that's what I hear at home a lot. Oh man. Like, where'd you learn that? Um but but yeah, it's time to go, it's time to do this, or it's time to like that you're falling behind on your grades. It's like, well, how do you adjust accordingly to that fun kid or speak their language?
SPEAKER_00Well, with this child, and and I I think, like you said, it seems like it's every child, um, especially when they're little, but if you if you can know this kid because they are going to want to be around people, they want to like be in the party, like life is a party. This is not the kid who wants to sit in their room on their own. Does that make sense? This is a really specific kid. All kids do want to have fun, of course. But there are kids who like need to decompress and go be by themselves. Too much is too much. Right. This kid doesn't ever have too much. They just need to be out where the people are. Um and and you have to be intentional with this child. It's good to make things fun and it's good to find the joy in things, but they have to be intentionally taught to persevere when it's not fun. Because life isn't all a party. And you can, as a parent, you can try to speak their language and try to make things fun. It's like that Mary Poppins, it's a sp a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, right? You can you can try to find the joy that is in things and try to see the happiness and the joy in more mundane things, but sometimes it's almost impossible to like put a fun spin on algebra homework. It just is what it is.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_00And you have to teach them to persevere even when things aren't fun.
SPEAKER_03Could you do something like this? Seems like a kid that might be motivated, like you're talking about, you're trying to foster and cultivate patience, endurance, suffering a little bit. Right. Where it's like, hey, if you complete all your algebra homework this week on the weekend, we can do XYZ fun thing that you like, is that the kind of thing that would work with this kid?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that would work. But I think there's also an age appropriate wise, like when they're young, giving them something to work for, giving them rewards is good. But there's also value in teaching them you can do hard things.
SPEAKER_03Even when there's no fun reward.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Like you can you are a really confident, smart, hardworking person. And you can do hard things. You can do hard things when it's not fun because you are really smart and really good at this.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And you can get it done. And I have confidence that you're gonna do it. And you walk away.
SPEAKER_03There you go. Leave them alone and they're like, lock the door behind you.
SPEAKER_00I have confidence that you're gonna get this done. And and teaching them that they can persevere even when there's no confetti at the end. Yeah. They can do it. And when they're really little, it is good to give them rewards and motivate them and show them that there is something at the end to work for. But when they're older, when they're in that middle school, upper elementary, middle school, high school, you you have to show them like, hey, sometimes you do the mundane thing and then you go home from work, and that was the end of it.
SPEAKER_03And there's nothing fun there.
SPEAKER_00It's just like your patient will come later. Yeah, but then you're gonna go home and cook dinner. Like that was the end of it. And you have to teach them to be a responsible adult even when there's no amazing thing that happens. You don't get a candy bar at the end.
SPEAKER_03And this is kind of the conversation that I have with students where they're like, I hate school because I'm never gonna use algebra, I'm never gonna use this. And it is kind of like where we go with it is like, I don't think the point of school really is to teach you trigonometry. Like, if you go into a specialized field, you will use trigonometry for sure. Right. But like the point of school is to teach you endurance. Yeah, it is to teach you how to work on a team with people you don't like, it is to teach you how to report to people you don't respect. It is to teach you, it's like dynamics that may play out in the rest of your life. If you can kind of manage and suffer through those and endure through those, you can kind of do anything. Right. So the point of school isn't the specific thing. But for that fun kid, like, hey, learn to be with people you don't like, learn to do things that you don't like, and get that patience down. That way, when you're in any setting, you can kind of use it later.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. If you can teach that kid, hey, you can pay attention when it's not fun and entertaining, you are gonna be so far ahead of your peers. It's gonna be amazing. Pay attention when it's not fun. You can do this. I know you can do this.
SPEAKER_03There's there's also the certain type of fun kid. I think Justin's a little bit like this where Oh, absolutely.
SPEAKER_00No, he's this child.
SPEAKER_03You can't you can almost learn the game of school. And there's like a certain mindset where certain kids this kind of breaks their brain and they can't handle it. But certain kids, it's like, hey, if you pay attention in class, you don't have to study because you got to pay attention in class. Or if you like uh manage your time here, your son Liam's like this. Yeah where he's like, I'm gonna work ahead and I I know that if I do this strategy and this strategy, like I got my Friday off or my Saturday completely free or whatever it is.
SPEAKER_00Liam Liam's the control power kid, so he's just gonna control his schedule and do it exactly how he wants to do it. Well, there you go. And that's he's controlling his like his homework schedule so that he can like earn a free day.
SPEAKER_03That's awesome.
SPEAKER_00So yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I guess that in all of those different ways, there's kind of a way to just take advantage of life and say, like, hey, if you fully embrace this or if you kind of move into it, um, your relationships, your schoolwork, all that becomes a little bit easier. Yeah. But ultimately, like I think the the biggest thing for for all of these lenses is like having that moment to pause and say, How is my kid thinking through this? Yes. And even recognizing like I think through it this way, so maybe the justice and peace one or the the justice and fun are they're gonna butt heads. Right. I can take a moment of pause, not to say that you always yield to the fun if you're a justice person, or if you yield to the the peace if you want things to be controlled or however it is, but just to say, oh yeah, that's where they're coming from. I remember this.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_03And just have that moment of empathy for your kids with how they see the world.
SPEAKER_00Exactly. I was I was walking um my daughter to the bus the other day, and she breaks down into tears because she did not get picked for field day mile run or whatever the the run was. And she was mad because she was told that she cut a corner and got disqualified from the mile run, even though she was second, and the first three get chosen and this whole story, and she's about to get on the bus. So I need to handle this like the bus is coming around the corner. And so it's one of these moments where I'm going, okay, well, what is going on? She's valuing that justice was not done, and she's so angry about it. I need to handle this as a parent so that she doesn't go to school in tears. So I go, okay, she's valuing justice. What is the thing? She needs to learn forgiveness. So we stood there at the bus stop and I said, Listen, I know that your coach, PE coach, saw that and you're really angry. I said, You can hold on to that hurt and you can go through your whole school day mad. Or you can forgive them right now and let it go and have a better day. But it's your choice. And it's up to you. And so it's like in those little moments, going, okay, what are they valuing right now and handling it so that your day goes smoother and you're not sitting in that conflict in those like moments. Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that's great.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So they can change their little filters sometimes, you know. She's not always a justice kid. Um, but in that moment, that was what she was valuing, and she needed me as a parent to go, hey, you're missing the forgiveness here. And then she could go about her day in a much easier way than crying on the school bus the whole way to school.
SPEAKER_03Right. And in instead of saying, like you said earlier, trying to rip the sunglasses off and go like get over it. Oh, it doesn't matter.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, just oh, it's just it's just field day. Just get over it. It's fine. Don't worry about it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03That's good. Yeah. That's called you're more you that's I think because you're a mom. You've got the empathy.
SPEAKER_00No. You got the empathy in there. I seriously went, Why does she okay? So she's just really holding on to this justice. And I was like, she needs forgiveness.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that's great.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And so when your kids like, I don't want to do it, it's not fun. Go, okay, help them persevere. And going like, hey, I need to help them navigate these filters.
SPEAKER_03Cool. And so if you're trying to raise kids to follow Jesus, it does take that moment of saying, like, hey, we create space in our home to have a voice, or you know, just respond to the kids that God has given you. And so look at how they see the world. It's it might be very different from you, or it might bother you because it's the exact same as you.
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Um and so look for ways to see the world how they see it. And honestly, I think in the moment, like you even just said, like, let the Lord remind you like what needs to be done in the moment. And um, you'll kind of create at least a little bit less conflict, I think, is at least where we're starting.
SPEAKER_00Or navigate the conflict, because conflict isn't even.
SPEAKER_03Okay, yeah, you're right.
SPEAKER_00Navigate the conflict. There's my peace. Navigate, navigate the conflict because those conflict moments are actually really teachable moments.
SPEAKER_03Awesome. So thanks, Megan, and thank you guys for listening.