And for those of you that I have not had the privilege of meeting, I travel a lot, and I I know this also that on weekends, Holiday and Express lets kids stay free. So there's a van that'll pick them up from here on Friday and take them there for the rest of the weekend. And uh that was a joke. Don't just know where to where do the where's the van? We want to put it on the van. I am I am crazy excited about this this next three weeks from a lot of different perspectives, but I want to start where uh Justin kind of hit, and that is with the singles, and that is uh let me just tell you that there's there's nothing magic about marriage. There's really not. If you're here today and you're a you're a single person, I was single till I was 30 and you're thinking, you know what? I'm just I'm just not happy. I'm just not happy, and I I'm looking for that special someone. I hope I find them someday because that then I'll be happy. And or maybe you're just like, I'm lonely. I'm tired of all my friends, they have dates, and I just feel lonely. I'll never forget. I had several friends that were female when I was single, they were just good friends, and and they would be bemoaning their situation, going, gosh, you know, just where are all the great guys? And I'm standing there going, just really did you not see me? What is that about? And and you feel lonely. There's one that really happens a lot, and it happened to me several times. It was just you're hurt, and that relationship cycle, just you think that's the person, they turn out not to be the person you're looking for, and it's just like there's this pain, and just there's this misconception that once I find that person, and once that happens for me, once that marriage thing happens, then you know what? My I will no longer be unhappy, and I'll no longer be lonely, and all my hurt will be healed. Well, let me just share this with you as a reality that an unhappy, lonely, hurt single person will be an unhappy, lonely, hurt married person. There's not that, I'm telling you, at the ceremony when you put the rings on and they go, I now present Mr. and Mrs., you don't go, Wow, what just happened? I am now better. That doesn't happen. I'm the same person. So how do we get that? And then we hear the people who are just, and if you're single here today, I know you've heard this because I've heard it just the the people just going, oh man, you're gonna find, oh, just you're maybe you're engaged and you're just thinking, we're so in love, and you've heard single or married people do this, go, well, just wait a little while. You're gonna join the rest of us. And just they they talk about marriage like it's this prison that you live in. And I don't believe that was meant to be that way. And what I love, and and I hope that I really hope that there's some of you here today that you're just not you're not church people, maybe you're not just this is your first time, or you're not into that at all, because I want you to see how real God is about this. Not churchy, but how real God is about about marriage. He shares, it's it's his idea, okay? It's God's idea to begin with. And if you go to the, if you open the Bible, the first book is called Genesis. In the second chapter, he goes into what it's all about. In uh chapter 2, verse 18. It says, the the Lord God said, It is not good for man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him. It was God's idea. He's like, it's not good that man be alone. He's gonna get lost, he won't stop for directions, he's just he he needs help. And he was getting it done, but he says there needs to be more there. And then later in that, it says this, that that is why a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. Now, that is exactly what it's talking about. And he designs this and he calls it marriage, that they'll become one flesh. And if there's some younger people in here, let me just tell you right now that God, God created sex. That was his idea. All right? And he said, Hey, you're gonna be one flesh, but it's it's so much more. It's the only experience in life where you are united physically and mentally and emotionally and relationally in every good way. But God designed it in that sense. I'll describe it this way: when our kids were little, they were like, Can we go camping? We love to go camping, and it's like, oh. So we would go camping once a year. Now I've shared this before, but the details were simple. We'd go Friday night, we'd get there before dark, we'd set up the tent next to the little fire ring, and we would cook out, and then the next morning we'd put up the tent and go to a buffet. Okay, that was camping to us. But they loved it. And every when we first got there, I'm like, hey, we'll put up the tent together. I'm like, all right, we got the fire ring here. We put the tent right by the fire ring, like, okay, you guys got to go get sticks so we can start a fire so we can cook the hot dogs and make the s'mores. And they would go out and they would just grab sticks everywhere, and they'd put them in there and it kept us warm and it cooked the food, and it was awesome. What would have happened if instead of that I said, hey, here's some matches. Go light some sticks. What would happen? Disaster would happen. The forest would catch on fire, and that is this uniting and one in spirit, the way God designed it. He says, Hey, you take it out of the ring, out of marriage, and it will destroy everything it touches. In the ring, everything good. But out of the ring, it destroys everything it touches. And that's just such a great visual of the way he designed marriage. But then God is also very honest about marriage. The Apostle Paul in the New Testament, after Jesus has come, Paul is like, he writes a massive amount of the New Testament. And he says this in 1 Corinthians 7 28. This is God being honest through his servant. He says this, but if you do marry, and I even love the words he uses, he says, you haven't sinned. Okay, it's not that bad. He says, if you're a virgin marry, she's not sinned, but those who marry will face many troubles in this life. And I want to spare you from this. And he's not joking. He spends the whole chapter. You can go read the whole chapter. He's like, you know what? It's, and I just wish you'd stay single so you can focus on serving God. And just, but if you can't help it, then go ahead and get married. It's almost like a last resort type thing. And yet, it's the way God describes it. Now there's one even better in the Old Testament. The richest man in the history of the world, King Solomon. More money than anybody's ever had, more pleasure, excess to everything. And he lives his whole life. And he's like, he's had everything, riches, fame, every everything, everything, everything. And then he writes this book called Ecclesiastes. And he basically goes, Life is empty. It's just empty and it's horrible. And it's life is meaningless. It's chasing after wind. And then in the midst of all that, he finally gets to the point where he's like, there's only two worth anything. He said, Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your heart. And then he says this. That's the first one. The other one is this. In Ecclesiastes 9 9, he says, Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given us. All your meaningless days. So even in the midst of this rant, he's just like, This is worth it. This only two pieces that's worth it, though. And he gets to that point. So then we look at, okay, we hear the couples who talk about, oh, just wait, you'll get married, and it'll be over and that. And yet there's this idea of being honest about it. So how do we get from frustration to fulfillment in marriage? God designed it, and he designed it good, and he designed it for our good. How do we get to that point? From frustration to the value of what it's really all about. Well, I gotta tell you, I love, I love the way it's designed or described, rather. Um, I've been a part of a few weddings. And do you know what they tell like a pastor or they ask the pastor, will you do our wedding? And in clerical circles, they say, Are you going to officiate that wedding? That's the term they use. And next time that I get invited to do one, I'm showing up in like a referee's uniform. You know, just okay. Um, the bride has won the toss and chose to receive the adoration and love of the groom. The groom has chosen to defend his honor and dignity until he dies. I mean, until death do you part. Uh the bride, you have the responsibility from this point forward to help him become a decent uh member of society and mold him into a decent person. You're gonna need help. Uh the groom, you have been charged with uh taking care of and attempting to understand the most illogical, emotional being that God has ever created. I'd give up now if I were you. So let's let's have a good match, let's fight fair, let's exchange rings and kiss each other, and let's get on with this thing. Just really, yeah, it's true. So if that is it, if if that is the officiating, and and it's it seems like a paradise. God says, I created this amazing peace, and yet it is a source of trouble. I mean, Paul says it's true, it seems like, okay, this is God contradicting himself. Unless we get this one word, this one word makes it make sense. This one word changes everything. And that's the word I want to share with you today. And it's not just, I want to encourage you, especially if you're just like, man, I uh if it's on marriage, I ain't coming, I hate marriage, and maybe you've been burned, maybe you're a widow, maybe you're at some other point in life where life just doesn't make sense. Well, let me just tell you, this one word changes everything. Changes everything. And it's a trigger. And the trigger is simply this for you and I in this life, in frustration, the trigger is when we have the feeling or thought of, why didn't I get that promotion? I'm way more qualified. Why did this happen? Why did God allow this to happen? Why, why, why? When we get to that point, and here's the trigger, when we get to that point where we say, I don't understand. I don't understand. That's the trigger that pulls this God's plan to our frustration together to find fulfillment. That is it. So I would encourage you this morning, if nothing else, if you miss everything else, don't miss that. That when you get to the point in any area of life where you go, I don't understand. That word understand is the trigger to capture our minds to this fork in the road where we have to make a decision. And this verse, the couple verses I'm going to share, make all the difference in the world. And I'm learning it in a whole new way once again. In Proverbs chapter 3, verses 5 and 6, he makes a great stimulant. It says, Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. So when you get to that understanding point, we're like, I don't understand. God's like, I know. I know, I've got my best. You're frustrated. Now here's the middle piece. In all your ways, submit to him, and he will make your path straight. When we get to that fork in the road, we have a fundamental decision. I'm going to be frustrated, I'm going to try harder, I'm going to then you fill in the blank. Or I'm going to submit to God Himself. Not the God out there. The God who said, I'm going to become a man and not just a man. And just like he walked with the disciples and he talked and he hung out with them. He said, When I when I'm resurrected, he says, When I die, I go and I'm going to send you the Holy Spirit, me to live in you, the counselor, the healer. I'm going to live with you. And we have to make a conscious decision to say, you know what, God, if I want understanding, it's going to come from you. And I got to turn to you. And it's, and let me give you a practical sense. The next time I have that thought and that frustration, I don't understand. Put a comma, not a period or an exclamation point. And at that comma, go, God, help me. Help me get this. Next time you're in a marriage and you're in your marriage and your spouse does something that makes no sense. This dude is, she is just emotional, she's illogical, she's making no sense. Why is she crazy? God help. I don't understand her. And God's like, I know, I know, I made her that way. But but I'm going to give you some perspective here. And I'm going to teach you the next couple weeks. We're going to talk about how that interaction works. Or on the other side, he's just such a clod. I mean, he he has no feelings, and he's just, he, I, I don't understand him. And the husbands are always sitting there going, I know, I don't know, I don't know. You know, just that's it. And God's saying, Don't lean on your understanding. Trust me, don't lean on your understanding. Within that, that decision, I want to just clarify that decision because within that we have decisions to make in order for that understanding to fit, to come to life within us. And I want to share a couple other Proverbs and uh Psalm with you to do that. The first understanding we have to do is we have to desire understanding. Not just, oh man, I don't understand. Not just acknowledge it, but desire to have understanding. Look what he says in Proverbs 4, 7. The beginning of wisdom is this get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding. Get it. No matter what it cost. We have to get to that point beyond frustration to where we make a decision and go, God, I know I love this person, or I know that I love working here, or I know whatever, but I don't understand this. I'm committed. And God, I want you to show me. How can I have understanding here? How can I have your peace, your perspective, your plan? Help me. Help me understand this. And I desire it. Not just desire it from a yeah, if you want to give it to me, give it to me. The best way I can analogize this is let me ask this. How many, if you're a man, raise your hand if you're a man, if you're a man, okay. Do you remember when you were 16 years old? What's one of the most desired experiences when you're 16 years old? You got your license and you wanted to drive. I want to drive. I want a car. I'll not forget turning 16. Right before I turned 16, there's a rule in my house, in my parents' house, that you had to buy your own first car. And I'll never forget sitting at dinner one night. It was a couple weeks before my birthday, and my dad said, So. Turned 16. I'm like, yeah. He says, Do you want a car? And I'm thinking he's had a mental lapse. I'm like, yeah. And he goes, What kind of car do you think you want? And I think, Are you kidding me? And he goes, What kind of car? If you could have any car, what would you want? I'm like, man, he has lost it, but I'm taking advantage of this. I said, I would like a Nissan 300 ZX. And he was like, Wow, that's awesome. I said, I know, right? And he's like, How are you gonna pay for that? And I was like, what? What? And it brought me back to the reality. And then the frustration came. And with my sons, we've told them all along, hey, you gotta buy your own first car. But I want to illustrate this way because they wanted, and I remember my boys going, you know, I've got to save up, and I made them a deal. I said, listen, whatever you save up, I'm gonna match it. I'm gonna match that. And man, they started working odd jobs and saving up, and and they're just they are just crazy excited about this. My father-in-law, this is one of my favorite parts of this. My father-in-law had made a deal with both of my boys. He said, Here's the deal. If you will wait to kiss a girl till you're 16, until your 16th birthday after, I will give you $500 towards a car. And he would check in with them every time we got a how we doing. And my oldest son, he's the Romeo.

He's like, Yeah, I'm done. I got nothing.

My other son, they're 11 months apart. And I heard this story later on from my wife. He was in eighth grade and then ninth grade, and this one little girl was just like, Man, I really like you. And they were kind of sort of boyfriend, girlfriend. And finally, he just had the ultimatum. He says, Hey, I really like you. I'd like to be your boyfriend, but I gotta tell you one condition. And she's like, Okay, she said, There's no kissing. I got some big money on the line here. I get money for a car if I can wait till I'm 16. She goes, Oh, that's fine. That's okay. And I got to thinking about the ramifications of that. Can you imagine being that little girl's parents and her going home and telling them that? I would, if that was my daughter, I'm like, man, I like this kid. This is, I like this kid. But he made it 16, he made it. And I'm just like, that is what it means by when it says here, though it cost all you have. It's that desire that, man, my focus is lasered. I want understanding here. God, I want your wisdom more than anything. I desire it. Let the intensity of the frustration become the desire for the understanding and say, wow, I really want God, I do love this person, but I want your understanding here. Not only the desire, the second piece is to know understanding, to know understanding in Psalm 119, verse 104. This is a massively long book. It says, gain understanding. I gain understanding from your precepts, therefore I hate every wrong path. In other words, Lord, I know your truth. I know your truth. So I know it. And even if it's not related, it's God's word penetrating and marinating in my heart. So that when I come to situations, even if they're unrelated, that God within me becomes the clarity in every situation. And I I tell you, you're already on the path. You're here. You're exposing yourself to truth. That's his precepts, that's his truth. But let me draw a clarification really quickly, because if you're here today and you're not a Christ's follower, you've never invited God into your life, let me just tell you, this is the best you're gonna get is some good ideas from the truth, and they work, but you're you don't have the power to make them become reality. That's God within us. And the more I read this to the point where you're here, keep listening, get in one of the small groups and talk about it, have a devotion in the morning. Right now, my my piece is Lord, I want to be the first piece on my mind is your word. And I want to just put the verse of the day. I have an app on my Bible, a Bible app, and I flip it on, and the very first thing I do, before I brush my teeth, before I go to the bathroom, before anything, I click on the Bible app, look at the verse of the day, and I read it like two or three times. And I try to get in that habit. Lord, I want the first piece to be your precepts on my mind. And let me tell you, there's mornings where I really have to go badly. And I'll be sitting there and I'll get my phone. I'm like, okay, okay, come on, come on. Golly, come on. Um, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, all right. Um, pre okay, okay, good, I gotta go. You know, and I just, but I come back, I want that word just washing over me on a regular basis. I want it to be the first thing, the last thing on my mind, and I want his truth there. If I could put it this way, it is, it is the antenna that if we're putting the truth into our minds, into our lives, walking it out, it's not about trying harder. Look at the truth now, try to live it. It's letting the truth, it's training, it's just putting it in on a regular basis so that when we need to know it, when we get in those points of frustration and being overwhelmed, and I don't get it, it's to go, okay, Lord, help me understand. And the reception is so much clearer. That voice of God within our hearts, within our lives, that doesn't exist apart from inviting him into our lives becomes clearer and clearer and clearer to where the time to get that understanding is reduced. The clarity of that understanding. Is crystal and knowing that. And then the final understanding is to experience understanding. So to desire it, know it, and then experience. In Psalm 147, 5, it says, Great is our Lord and mighty in power. His understanding has no limits. No limits. In that place where I have the ideals in mind and yet I'm living in the frustration. If I'll come to the God who has understanding that knows no limits and say, God, I'm going to stop. I'm going to ask for help. And then I'm going to listen. And in those moments, and I know they can get intense, to just go, God, what do you have here? What do you have here in this situation for me with this specific frustration? What do you want to teach me here? What do you want to teach me now? And if I wait and listen, the clarity of that becomes crystal clear. If I could draw it in a picture this way, so many people look at relationships and all they see is the frustrating part. And that's a shame. Because I mean, I've told my wife several times, and it was kind of a breakthrough for us. We were talking, and I said, But you know, you just seem on edge. And she goes, Well, I feel like I frustrate you. And she goes, I hate that I frustrate you, and I know you're frustrated because I've known you for long. I know I frustrate you. And I go, honey, you do. You do. I mean, you you frustrate the crap out of me. But it's about 3% of the time. I mean, literally, you're different. And you do frustrate me, but it's this much. And 3%, that means 97% of the time, I really do love every part about you. The frustrating part, you're spontaneous. And I love that. And that's different from me. And I learn from that, and I get the perspective of that. And I've learned to appreciate that. And I said, but I don't get hung up on that anymore. And the problem is we can get so caught up, we have this idea of perfection and soulmates and what movies say and what TV and what our society feeds us. And then we have reality and we get frustrated. But the truth is, when we take and say, God, I desire your understanding. I'm going to know your truth, and I want to experience, I want to experience your understanding in every area of life, specifically in marriage. Then we start experiencing fulfillment and joy and peace and meaning and all that which is good that our hearts desire that come from God alone. If I could give this as an illustration for it, there's a couple I know, sharp couple. He's an executive and a very successful, she's an administrator and incredible. And they've been married for years and they had no kids, and that can be a touchy subject. And after several years, he and I were having lunch, and I said, Can I ask you a personal question? He said, sure. And I said, I've just always wondered, you guys are such great people, and you're so great with kids. Why don't you have kids? And he goes, Oh, that's easy. And I could tell from the flippancy, it wasn't the idea of we can't get pregnant, because that's that's a very hard issue. But he goes, that's easy. And I said, Really? And he goes, Yeah. I cannot stand the idea of diapers. And I was like, Are you serious?

And he goes, yeah. I mean, that's just that's disgusting.

And I said, you don't have kids because of diapers. And he goes, yeah. I mean, I just that just wigs me out. I just can't, I can't grasp even having to deal with that. And I said, that's the whole reason you don't have. I said, you realize that that is like a tiny piece of having kids.

He goes, yeah, but it's just it's gross.

And I said, you know, on a regular day, you're talking about maybe four, maybe five diapers when they're little? Maybe two, three minutes once you get good at them. It's like kind of a pit stop, just there you go. I mean, you get really good at it, and you're you're you're doing, I said, you realize they don't poop in their pants forever, right? You know this, right? So about two to three years, they stop that whole thing. And then I said, the smile and the interaction and just life that you get to experience these kids. I said, do you not see how amazing kids are?

He goes, yeah, but diapers.

He's missing the amazing joy, unbelievable fulfillment, life lessons because of eight minutes a day for a couple years. And I just want to go, wow, you're missing it. And I'm afraid that some of us, and I've had a season where I'm missing, I'm missing the fulfillment because all I do is get frustrated and I don't stop and say, God, I want your understanding. I I want to know your understanding. I desire, and I got to get to that desire point. Like, God, I want your best more than I want to be right. I want your best more than I want to feel a certain way. I want your best. And if we'll get to that point, marriage starts becoming really fulfilling. And here's the cool part, and I want to end with the singles in mind. You start that habit now of going, you know what? I'm frustrated, I stop and I ask God for help, and I seek his wisdom and his understanding. Then you are on a path for the greatest relationships ever. I want to pray, and then I want to give you a little bit of insight for next week. Let's pray. God, thank you for this morning. I thank you so much for your truth. I thank you that you want to know us personally, and you literally come into our lives to teach us exactly what we individually need in a moment when we have you in our lives and when we trust you. So, Father, I pray that in our greatest frustration and where we don't understand would be that trigger to pull and say, God, help and give me understanding. And it really is only through Jesus and the power of that spirit that indwells us that we get to pray. Amen. Next week, next week, there is one word, one word that is the cause of over 90% of all frustration and failure within marriage. And that one word is what I'm going to tell you next week. So uh I hope you can make it back. God bless you guys. See you then.