Well, we've got a couple of really good friends with us this morning. Um Chip and Colleen Judd are back uh from Polly Island, South Carolina. You know, Chip has spent uh most of his adult life uh working with God and with people, helping people just change from the inside out. And he's uh counseled individuals and and uh counseled couples for the last few years. Uh he spent most of his time speaking with groups uh like us. You know, when we get connected with Jesus, a process starts. It doesn't all happen instant. You know, we get in the process of him transforming us from the inside out, and he does that a lot of ways. You know, his Holy Spirit uh does a lot of the work, just supernaturally changing us from the inside out. And then he teaches us in the in the Bible, and we can apply what he taught, and that changes the way we think and it changes our lives. And then he also brings people into our lives, and uh and they help us change. And so this morning we've kind of got all three um together the Holy Spirit uh working inside of us, uh principles from God's word, and he's brought us chip to help us with that process. So, Chip, we're really glad you're here. Please welcome Chip Judd.

All right.

Thank you, sir. Good to be here with you guys. Y'all on spring break this week, I understand. Is that right? All right. How did uh how'd the games work out for you last night? Did you like the outcome or not? What do you think? Y'all aren't into the basketball sorry. To be honest with you, I'm not either. I was just being polite. I'm I'm really not a big basketball fan either. But uh we're gonna talk about some things. Y'all can come out over here. I got a couple folks that are gonna help me here in just a second. But um, you know, basically, you know, you think of different ways to explain who you are and what you do. I'm not very good with my hands. My older brother was, you know, he could build cabinets and whatever, and he was very good with tools. Well, I'm not very good with my hands, but I'm pretty good at working on your head, if that makes sense. So, what we're gonna do today is we're gonna look at your toolbox, your toolbox for life. Like, how many of you agree with this circle of thought? Unhealthy emotions probably create unhealthy relationships, and then unhealthy relationships probably help create unhealthy emotions. Say yes if that makes sense. Now, I like to think like this: which came first, the chicken or the egg? Unhealthy relationships or unhealthy emotions? Now, personally, I don't know that it really matters. But what we're gonna look at today is a cute way to say it is create your own weather. But the sentence under there, you can learn, is learn an event or a process. That means it takes time. So you can learn to confidently manage, not control, but manage your emotional responses and moods. How many of you feel like your life would probably go better? Your emotion uh your relationships would probably be healthier if you did a better job of managing your emotions. Raise your hand if you think it probably would help. How many of you could point to somebody that it would really help? All right? Now, I want to do a disclaimer up front. I want to do a really, really important disclaimer. Everything I'm gonna say today applies to about 85 to 90 percent of life. Please don't forget what I say now. There's about 5 to 10% of life that where life just runs over you like a steamroller. That is not what I'm talking about today. You understand what I'm saying? There are things that happen in life, and don't let anybody judge how you process through that pain. What I'm talking about are the 80 to 90 percent of every day, who you work with, who you live with, who you play with, who you do everything with, the day-to-day stuff, I'm not talking about those steamroller events. That's really, really important because I would hate for you to be sitting there and you're thinking, well, I ought to be over this XYZ event that happened. And if it's one of those five to ten percent, that's not what I'm talking about today. Okay, so please don't forget that because I don't want to lose you in there. All right. Really, what we're about to do, this is Ken and Mary. I know that's not their real name, but y'all go ahead and come forward here. And really, the entire point of the message is gonna be contained in the next minute of what we're gonna do right here. All I'm gonna do for the rest of our time, about an hour and a half, is just unpack what happens here. So I want to set this up. This is Ken and Mary, they're married, and Ken's at work, and what he's gonna read off of this paper is what he's thinking. Now he's gonna read it out loud, but he's at work, and it's not he's not saying it out loud, but he's saying it to himself, okay? At work.

I'm tired of working so hard and not being recognized for it. My manager doesn't appreciate me. I'm spending longer hours at work, have less to show for it. You know what? I'm gonna start doing just enough to get by, just like everyone else does.

All right, now think about it now. How's Ken feeling? How's he feeling? Just think about here he is at work. Is he feeling energized? Is he feeling connected? Is he feeling like, man, I'm in the zone? He's feeling kind of ugh. Alright, now he's gonna read. Now he's on his drive home. He's driving home. He's not saying this out loud, he's saying this to himself.

And now I've got to go home and listen to Mary tell me all the things I don't do for her and the kids. I'm not appreciated anyway. She should understand that I work hard and I'm drained when I get home. I just need some space to regroup and recharge my batteries.

Is he gonna be a barrel of laughs when he comes through the door? Is he gonna probably be all excited about connecting and let's just share our day? Where's he probably headed? Where's he gonna land? In a recliner with what in his hand? The remote control, because what does he want to do? Listen now, he wants to escape from a life that he feels like he has no control over. Very important. Now, he's been home a while. Do you have a do you have a lounge or uh recliner? I do. Uh oh. Do you have a remote? I do. Uh-oh. You have a lot of remote. Uh a lot of remote. All right, so he's in his recliner. Let's hope this isn't true. But he's in his recliner and he's zoned out. Mary and the kids, whatever. Now, this is what Mary's saying to herself a little bit later. He's been home a little while. She's not saying it out loud, but she's saying it to herself.

There he goes again, straight to the TV to zone out. I can't believe he's so selfish. Doesn't he realize that the kids and I need some of some of his time and attention? I'm not going to be putting up with this much longer. He better start appreciating me.

You don't really talk like that, do you? There you go. All right, now, how is she feeling? She's feeling all chipper and supportive and friendly and wonderful. What kind of evening are they in for? Woo-woo! Thank you, guys. Let's give them a hand. Now, everything I'm gonna say to you this morning, and by the way, I'm gonna be back next week. Today, really, we're gonna kind of uncover the problem. Next week, we're gonna kind of give you some tools to learn to do this. But everything we're gonna say this week and next week is buried in what you just watched up here. There's a scripture in Galatians chapter 5 that says, when the Spirit of God, when you walk in this relationship with God that you're learning to do here at the church, what happens, one of the byproducts is the Bible calls it fruit, this kind of fruit is produced in our lives: love, joy, peace. Just let some of those words land on you. Patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There's no law against these things. Now here's my point. I think all of those have kind of an emotional component to them. They're really about learning to manage all the stuff that's going on inside of us, all the energy that's going on inside of us. Most of us have a bully on our block. Most of us have some situation in our life that just gives us trouble. So, what I want you to do for a moment, to kind of push you where I want you to go this morning, is think about an emotional cycle that tends to give you trouble. It might be depression, it might be anger, it might be that you're just kind of numb. Fellas, forgive me, don't mean to pick on you. It might be that you just kind of don't get all that emotion stuff, and your responses are a little off track. Let me give you four key things to emotional health and management. Number one is awareness. What does that mean? That means that in any given moment, it's really good to be able to say, I'm feeling blank. I'm feeling peaceful, I'm feeling sad, I'm feeling mad, I'm feeling whatever. In other words, one of the tenets or underpinnings of emotional health is just the ability to kind of find what you're feeling and give a name to it. Now, believe it or not, sometimes when I'm working with a couple, I'll, to be honest with you, this is usually the man, not always, but sometimes what I'll do is I'll say, you know what, dude, we need to work on you being more aware of what you're feeling. And sometimes what I'll do is I'll say, why don't we do a feelings journal? Dude, are you kidding me? And all I mean is for a little while, as you go through the day, just stop and ask yourself, what am I feeling? And practice giving it a name. Now that may sound like, really, there's people that have to do that? Listen, some of us, our toolbox just didn't get put together that well. But it's helpful to just start by being aware of what you're feeling. The second little underpinning of emotional health is appropriateness. What does that mean? That means in a given moment, is the emotion I'm feeling appropriate? Does it fit the moment? So I'm in a moment where everybody's laughing and I feel sad. Or the other way around. So one of the things you want to be conscious of is is what I'm feeling appropriate to the situation? The third thing is intensity. Does what I'm feeling fit the situation and is it the right intensity? How many of you know someone can say something that is hurtful, but it's about a two and your response is a seven. Now, would it be okay if your response was a two? What they did was a two. So if your response is a two, two and a half, three, your response is appropriate and the intensity is okay. But if their action was a two and your response is a seven, that's not well-managed emotion. And then the fourth thing is duration. In other words, how long does it last? How long does it take you to get over what you're feeling? If you could imagine someone hurts your feelings and it's a two, and you react at about a five, you you you go two or three days and you realize it still hurts. And it was only a two. So if it lasts too long, or to be honest with you, if it's too short, you just what I call tag and bag it, those are all indications that there's something about the way you're managing your emotions that's not healthy and isn't working for you. I like to say this about emotions. Feelings have gotten a bad rap. Feelings just get treated like people we don't like, you know, the neighbor we don't like or whatever. Now, what do I mean by that? Most of us have this sense that I'm walking through my day and I'm just kind of whistling, having a good day, and depression mugs me. Or anger just comes out of that corner and jumps on me. In other words, we treat emotion like it comes from the outside, and key thought, therefore, we're a victim to it. One of the most important things I'm gonna try to get you wrestling your way around today and next week is this simple thought. Every feeling you feel, every feeling you feel is self-generated from within. No one can make you feel anything without your participation. And we'll talk more about that as we go forward, but it's important to let that settle on you. Every feeling you feel is self-generated. You make yourself feel everything you feel. Now, please remember the disclaimer. I'm not talking about the five to ten percent of life that bulldozes us, I'm talking about the day-to-day squabbles. I decide, and we're gonna talk about how you learn to do this. I decide how your actions affect me. I decide that. And there's ways you can learn to do that. All right, emotions are a God-given source of energy, information, connection, and influence. Now, what do I mean by that? How many of you know if I say there's a fire over in the corner? Would that move you? There's a fire over in the corner. What do I need to do? I need to add a little emotion to it. Fire, fire. How many of you have ever heard somebody tell a story? And I mean the story just grabbed you and took you with it. How many of you like to read novels? I like to read novels. How many of you know there's some authors that can create an emotional connection with you that you, you know, when your wife talks to you and you're reading it, you're like, please, I'm in the middle of a moment here. Are you listening, baby? What am I trying to say? Emotions, we treat them like bad things, but God gave us emotions to connect. How many of you know when Susan was talking about the ladies that came over and cleaned? How many of you know the emotion of that act created a connection? Emotions are wonderful things. But the first word was that give us energy. How many of you know fear moves us? The actual root of the word emotion is emote, which means to move. God gave us emotions. Listen now. Some emotions move us towards something we want more of. Some emotions move us away from things we want less of. Depression. You know ultimately what the purpose of depression is? Wow, do you mean there's a purpose to it? Every emotion we have, God gave us for a purpose. The purpose of emotion, the emotion of depression is, listen now, when you don't feel well, what it's supposed to do is move you to ask, why don't I feel well? In other words, not chemical depression, but the day-to-day, everyday life level of depression is your soul's way of saying there's something going on in us or around us that's really not to our liking and we're not doing anything about it. And depression feels bad. How many of you know when you feel bad, you want to do something to stop feeling bad? Now, unfortunately, what we do is we medicate. We numb ourselves with entertainment, sex, drugs, food, whatever. But what that depression wants you to do is be moved to get, I want to get rid of that, and it wants you to look at your life and try to move away from it. Alright? What you've got to do is learn to listen to your emotions, but don't believe everything they tell you. What do I mean by that? Quickest way I know that we all can, I think, relate to. You're out in the backyard mowing the grass. Now I live in a condo, and one of my life goals is to never mow grass again. So pray for me. I know I have low goals, but uh, you're out in the backyard and you're mowing the grass, and out of your peripheral vision, you see a long, dark, thin, wiggly thing. Now, do you go like this? I think that is a snake. I should move. Is that what you do? What happens? It's like you're transported on Star Trek and you wake up over here. And as you land over here, your thinking brain says, that's a snake. Now, who moved you? Did God reach down and say, Oh, there's a snake about to hurt Chipper, I better move him. Who moved me? I did. But I wasn't consciously aware of the process of moving me. Why? This is a really, really, really, really important thought. There's a different part of my brain that took over. And it's the feeling part of my brain. So, what happened is I'm cruising along, probably had earbuds in, and I'm listening to music, mowing the grass, and out of my peripheration, I see this long, thin, wiggly thing. My feeling brain grabbed me, shut my thinking brain down, and threw me ten feet over. While I'm flying over there, my thinking brain, which is slower, is catching up, and as I land, I'm thinking, snake. Then my thinking brain tiptoes over there, and it's just a stick. It's not even a snake. Now, cute little story about a snake, but the reality is this we react the same way to people. We react the same way to situations that have hurt us in the past. The emotional part of our brain reacts quickly and it's kind of sloppy. The emotional part of your brain sacrifices accuracy for speed. I'm gonna say that again. The emotional part of your brain sacrifices accuracy for speed. So, where did it come from? Why did why I'm sitting here telling you this is the way God made you to operate. Why? How many of you know God knew Adam and Eve were gonna get us all in trouble? You figure he knew that? The Bible says Jesus was crucified before the foundations of the world. So God knew Adam and Eve were gonna get in trouble in Genesis chapter 3. So what does that tell me? God knew we were going to live in a hostile environment. Does that make sense? So it tells me that he wanted to create our system, our brain, to be able to handle danger. So he designed a part of our brain to be very fast, but to make it really fast, it has to be a little sloppy. So it reacts to situations quickly, but it doesn't think a lot. And really important point, it has the design factor of hijacking you and taking over. Literally, when you feel threatened deeply enough, that feeling part of your brain takes over, shuts your thinking brain down, and deals with the situation. How many of you have ever had an encounter with someone that you love deeply? And after it was over, you said to yourself, How could I say those things? I don't feel that way. Why did I say such hurtful things? And the reason it happens is that other part of your brain. Took over, your thinking brain shut down, and I'll take care of this. It took care of it all right. And what it did was made a bigger mess than you started with. So the tricky thing about emotions is learn to listen to them, but don't believe everything they tell you. Alright, we're gonna just pick one. You make me mad. And I just pick it. We could have picked any. You make me mad, glad, sad, or whatever. But what we're gonna talk about for a minute is this whole idea, and again, buried in what I'm going, where I'm going here, is that is really one truth. And you'll be it'll be clear before we're finished. But you make me mad. Automatically, what am I saying if I say you make me mad? Who's responsible for what I'm feeling? You are. I'm mad because you are who you are. If you weren't who you were, I wouldn't be mad. Now, here's the chip judd answer to that. If you want to live that dependent on other people's behavior, have at it, but you better go see a doctor and get some pills because you're gonna need them. Why would I want my weather to be so dependent on how other people act? And we'll talk a lot more about that next week. But here's the deal we never, we never react to outside events directly. We never react to outside events directly. We always interpret, and please notice it's in quotes. What does that mean? We assign meaning to it. Someone comes up and says X, Y, Z to you. What you do is you assign meaning and motive to what they said. Ken and Mary. Ken comes home, he's in the lounger, click, click, click. Mary assigns meaning and motive. Meaning and motive, meaning and motive to what he's doing. Now, bottom one. Our response, emotionally and action-wise, is not based on what the other person did or didn't do. It's based on our stored, practiced responses and or what we're saying to ourselves. It's very important you understand that. It's very important that you understand that. Most people think A causes C. If you go to that next slide, most people think your actions cause my reaction. You act a certain way, that causes me to react a certain way. If you think that way, if you are committed to thinking that way, if you will not budge from thinking that way, I can't help you. God can't help you. But if you'll realize that every action outside of you comes in through your senses, and then you, based on past experiences, you assign a meaning to it. You change how it affects you by the meaning you assign to it and what you say to yourself about it. So someone else's action doesn't cause your reaction. What causes your reaction is what you say to yourself about what happened. We'll get real particular about that in a minute. All right. What do you got to do to get this stuff working? Take responsibility for what you're feeling. Bottom line. If I feel sad, it's my responsibility that I feel sad. If I feel mad, it's my responsibility that I feel mad. Now, does that mean everybody around me gets a free pass? That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is I want to start fundamentally being responsible for what I'm feeling. And being mindful that if it's inside, remember the bump boundary stuff we did a few months back, if it's inside my hula hoop, then it's my responsibility. So the biggest thing you've got to start practicing is I decide how I feel as I go through my day. Now, please remember, I'm not talking about the 7 to 10% of life rolling over you stuff. I'm talking about daily bumps from other people. So take responsibility for what you're feeling. The next thing is learn to ask yourself, learn to ask yourself, what was going through my mind? What was I saying to myself? What was I saying to myself? Let me just read you a few scriptures and we'll zero in on these next week. Proverbs 23, 7 says, as a man or woman thinks in his or her heart, so is he. It doesn't say, as the people around you act, so are you. Right? When people around you disappoint you, you have a right to feel XYZ. It says, as you think in your heart, so are you. Proverbs 21, 23 says, He who guards his mouth and his tongue guards his own soul from trouble. Wait a minute. You mean if I learn to manage what I say to myself, I can keep my soul from being troubled? Wow, that's a pretty cool verse. How about this one? You've heard this one, Proverbs 18, 21. The tongue has the power of life and death. Do you mean what I say to myself has that much power? And then another little final way to do the same thing is this simple question. If I change the thought, if I change the thought, would I feel or act differently? I can think of, I could stand here and tell you story after story after story after story after story. I'm thinking two or three right this second, in counseling contexts, where someone is feeling an eight of an emotional response, negative, an eight of a bad feeling, the situation's a two. Why are they feeling an eight when it's a two? Because in their past, it's connected to some very painful stuff, listen, with other people, not even the people in the current moment. But their soul has been wounded back here by this stuff, and now they react in the present based on the pain from the past. And they they work really hard at first to justify their response. Well, I'm this way because. How many of you know that's not an eight? I mean, come on, it's not an eight. Now, a seven and a half, sure. No, I'm kidding. All right, I'm gonna close with this thought. Let's go back. I'm gonna read it myself, not to have them come back up. But I want you to go back to the same thing, and I want to watch you how different that evening is gonna be by changing one thing. I'm Ken, Ken and Mary. I'm Ken and I'm back at work. Same exact job, same exact people, same exact exterior circumstances. The worship team wants to go ahead and come on up. I'm about to wind up here. Same exact external stuff. But listen to what Ken's saying to himself now. I'm grateful for my job, but I'm not sure it's a good fit for me. You know, I believe God has something for me that will meet our financial needs and help me feel more appreciated. Now I'm on my way home. I'm still Ken. Now, first of all, how do you think I was feeling? A whole lot better. Do I like my job anymore? No. But I decide how much that affects my day. Now I'm driving home. Listen to what I'm saying to myself driving home. I'm looking forward to getting home. Mary's probably ready for a break, and maybe we'll get some time to share how we're feeling about life right now. How many of you guys and gals, how many of you know it takes effort to do that? Now, ladies, I don't mean just the guys. I didn't do the Mary part, but let's let's let's say Ken comes home in a terrible mood. What if Mary, instead of saying, here he goes again, rrr, rr, rrr, what if she said, you know what? I really appreciate him going to a job every day that he doesn't like. I appreciate the toll that takes on him. You know what? I think I'm gonna try to do something special for him. Y'all figure out what that might be. Some of you are a little slow, you're like, oh. It always works. Am I right, guys? Next week we're gonna talk about how. Some of the simple, how many of you know simple and easy are different? We're gonna talk about how to really put this stuff into practice so that you can live a more emotionally stable life. All right? Can I pray for you? Father, we just thank you this morning, sir. We love you. We just we're awed and amazed by your love for us. And I pray for these wonderful folks. I'm so honored to be here with them. And God, I just ask you to stir us, challenge us, poke us, and prod us. Help us to change, Lord, and uh bless this wonderful place. What a great group of people. And we thank you, sir, in Jesus' name. Amen.